Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Cute Short Halloween Jokes for Children

Children love to laugh.

When I first started doing magic shows in 1970 (I was all but a child myself) I performed at a lot of children’s birthday parties. After a few years I graduated to Mother and Daughter luncheons, Father and Son banquets and Cub Scout Blue and Gold Banquets. As a magician I knew my job was to amaze my audience but I quickly learned that people love to laugh. It’s actually very therapeutic. I don’t do very many children’s show any more. All my time is focused on entertaining adults at conventions and company events but when I do get the chance, the uncle in me comes out and, boy do we have fun!

Children enjoy a good joke just like the rest of us. To them silly is funny. To them gross is funny. Children can find the element of funny in just about everything. So I share with you the following groaners and guffaws. A little bit of clean humor goes a long way.

If you have kids, grandchildren, nephews or nieces you going to have some good clean fun telling them these jokes. These jokes are silly, cute and by adult standards, down right dumb but try a few on a child and watch them run off to tell their friends. And another thing, you just might find yourself reminiscing about when you heard these jokes as a kid.

Enjoy and Happy Halloween!

Al The Only

Cute Short Halloween Jokes for Children

What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A dead end.

What do you get when you cross a were-wolf with a drip-dry suit?
A wash-and-werewolf.

What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
Fasten your sheet belt.

What is a witch with poison ivy called?
An itchy witchy.

Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
His ghoul friend.

Where do vampires live?In the Vampire State Building.

Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
The whatwolves and the whenwolves.

What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his dog?
I don't know, but it is great at chasing submarines.

What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound.

Why are black cats such good singers?
They're very mewsical.

What's a cold, evil candle called?
The wicked wick of the north.

What kind of hot dogs do werewolves like best?

Where do little ghosts learn to yell "BOO!"?
In noisery school.

What does a goblin shop for?

How can you tell when windows are scared?
They get shudders.

What do you call serious rocks?
Grave stones.

Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
She had to give a screech.

What's a goblin's favorite flavor?
Lemon n' Slime.

Why wasn't the vampire working?
He was on his coffin break.

How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
By scareplane.

How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
By witchful thinking.

What's a ghoul's favorite breakfast cereal?
Rice Creepies.

Why did the witch's mail rattle?
It was a chain letter.

Why did the vampire's lunch give her heartburn?
It was a stake sandwich.

What instrument does a skeleton play?
A trombone.

Why was the zombie so grumpy?
She woke up too early in the mourning.

What directions did the ghost give the goblin?
"Make a fright turn at the corner."

What do birds give out on Halloween?

What's a vampire's favorite feast?
Fangsgiving Day dinner.

What do little trees say on Halloween?
Twig or treat.

What do goblins mail home while on vacation?

Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
She had bat breath.

How do ghosts begin letters?
Tomb it may concern...

Who is the most famous ghost detective?
Sherlock Bones!

What do you call a skeleton who tells jokes?
A funny bone!

What do ghosts watch if they want to relax?

What do Skeletons use when they want a chat?
A tele-bone!

Why did the wizard mix things in his cauldron?
His microwave was being repaired!

What do you get if you leave a pile of bones in the sun?
A Skele-tan.

What do you call a lady spook who works on an airplane?
An air-ghostess!

What do spooks eat in the interval?

What's the difference between a ghost and a butcher?
One stays awake and the other weighs a steak!

What's the difference between a silly ghost and a plate of cheese on toast?
One is easy to cheat the other is cheesy to eat!

What do you call a person who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer.

What's a mummy's favorite music?
Wrap Music!

Where do ghosts mail their letters?
At the ghost office.

What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?The roller ghosted.

What's a ghosts favorite fruit?

What do you get when you goose a ghost?
A handfull of sheet!

Why did the ghost cross the road?
To get to "THE OTHER SIDE."

How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch!

What is a witch's favorite subject in school?

How do you make a witch stew?
Keep her waiting for hours.

What tops off a ghost's sundae?
Whipped Scream.

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
It had no BODY to dance with.

Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
Because he's always a goblin.

What happens when a ghost gets lost in a fog?
He's mist.

What sailors like to be chilled to the bone?
A skeleton crew.

What does a sorceress wear?
A bewitching outfit.

Why was the mummy so tense?
He was all wound up.

Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
In the casketeria.

Where did the goblin throw the football?
Over the ghoul line.

What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
Toasty ghosty.

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin.

Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
"Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.

What's a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.

Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.

What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet.

What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?

Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
It's good for the bones.

Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away.

What does a vampire fear most?
Tooth decay.

Where do mummies go for a swim?
To the dead sea.

What is Transylvania?
Dracula's terror-tory.

Where does Dracula water ski?
On Lake Erie.

What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis?
A blood vessel.

What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by it's circumference?
Pumpkin Pi.

What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Don't spook until your spooken to.

What kind of protozoa likes Halloween?
An amoeboo!

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.

What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
He was repossessed.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

What do rednecks do on Halloween?

Why don't witches wear panties?
To get a better grip on the broom!

Why is it so easy to turn on Frankenstein's monster?Because he has amps in his pants.

Why don't witches have babies?
Because their husbands have crystal balls and hollow-weenies.

What do Skeletons say before eating?
Bone Appetite.

Why did the Vampire get fired from the Blood Bank?
He was caught drinking on the job.

Why do ghosts have so much trouble dating?
Women can see right through them.

Why are Vampires Democrats?
They want Gore in 2000.

What kind of clothes do Zombies wear?
Decay NY.

Why aren't there any famous skeletons?
They're a bunch of no bodies.

What do you call a guy turned on by a witch?
Scared stiff.

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He didn't have a haunting license.

What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?

Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart.

Where do most goblins live?
In North and South Scarolina.

Where does a ghost refuel his Porsche?
At a ghastly station.

What do you call a little monsters parents?
Mummy and deady.

Why do vampires scare people?
They are bored to death!

How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?
Every night he turns into a bat.

What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.

What song does Dracula hate?
"You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders.

How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.

What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A grave problem.

Why are vampires like false teeth?
They all come out at night.

Who does Dracula get letters from?
His fang club.

What can't you give the headless horseman?
A headache.

Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.

Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

When does a ghost have breakfast?
In the moaning.

What do ghosts drink at breakfast?
Coffee with scream and sugar.

Where does a ghost go on vacation?

What do you call two witches living together?

Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Earthquake that hit Hawaii on Sunday, October 15, 2006

Dear Friends,

I am overwhelmed by everyone’s concerns regarding the earthquake that hit the Hawaiian Islands on Sunday, October 15th. My wife, Lori, and I have been inundated with phone calls and e-mails from around the world. It's very heart warming. Your thoughtfulness is very appreciated.

I am currently on the mainland. I just did a big fund raiser on Saturday evening for a wonderful organization called “Just For Kids.”

Lori called me Sunday morning after the quake hit. It was her first earthquake and she doesn't want to go through another one. I was in two different earthquakes in California a few years ago.

Thankfully everyone and everything is fine. Lori was a little shook up (no pun intended). We lost power at the house and a few things fell off the shelves and walls but other than that, no major damage. We called friends on the Big Island (which is closer to the epicenter) and fortunately they are fine, too.

I guess this was scarier than damaging. My concern was that this could have trigger a tsunami but all reports are that it shouldn't happen.

Here is a report and a few thoughts from Lori:

The news media makes it sound worse than what it is. And since all news comes out of Honolulu, Oahu, they act like they had the major brunt of the quake when in reality we on Maui are closer to the Big Island (i.e. Hawaii) where the epicenter was. Our friends on the Big Island are fine other than being shaken up (still no pun intended). Fortunately there were no casualties and damage was minimal. Any evacuations are merely precautionary.

A reference to the epicenter to Maui would be like the distance from Chicago to Detroit. I was in the bathroom getting ready for church when the entire condo started shaking violently. It sounded and felt like a freight train coming thru the wall. I could hear knickknacks falling off the walls and shelves. My cupboards held up well so no broken dishes or what not. Being a midwest girl and observing windy and overcast weather, my initial thought was tornado and thus ducked down in the bathtub all the while thinking the upstairs condo was going to crash in on me.

In a minute or two it ended. I ran outside and asked my neighbors, "What the HELL was that?!" "That--" they declared, "was an earthquake!" We were without power for about 4 hours. We learned that the quake was 6.6 and the epicenter located approx 6 miles south of the Big Island (Hawai'i). Thankfully, I did not feel the 2-3 aftershocks that followed. Everyone's main concern was tsunami but radio reports quickly assured us there was no threat of one.

Oh and if anyone viewed the AOL news pictures -- that chicken stand in Kihei (here on the South shore of Maui about 30 minutes from us) with all the people lined up -- had nothing to do with the earthquake but everything to do with just being good grinds. (That’s local talk for good food.)

News people!!?$!!

Hope that was the first and last quake I'll ever experience. Thanks for caring.

Well that’s the update from Lori who was there. I’m here on the mainland for two more shows before I return home on October 25th.

The phone is ringing with shows being booked for 2007. I still have a couple dates open for your company holiday parties. Call me if I can help you. You probably know my number by heart now, 1-800-tricky1 (1-800-874-2591).

Mahalo for you caring,

Al The Only

PS I'm not just selling entertainment, I provide wonderful memories of your party for your guests!

My 26th year, full time, of providing magic for corporate meetings, trade shows, banquets and conventions - worldwide. Over a quarter century of adding laughter and amazement to people's lives and making memories.

PPS It’s still not too late to call Al The Only for your entertainment of magic, comedy and good clean fun at your Holiday or Christmas Party.

For more information, dates and availability call today:
1-800-tricky1 (1-800-874-2591)

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